You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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