I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
