I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
