were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he thought i was a dude.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
