if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
