You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
