I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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