Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
