Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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