he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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