i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
