It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
