Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
