i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
