it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
