You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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