just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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