I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
