we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
