why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she pinky promised me she was 18
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
