Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
