I faked an abortion last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
