Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
