Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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