WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
