Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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