she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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