I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
