Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
