The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
