i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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