i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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