I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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