is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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