College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I smell like Dick and happiness
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