hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
only if we run a train.
done.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
