When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
