i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
