I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
