Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
