Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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