How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
