mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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