I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
