Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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