What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
