He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
