Ambien. No doubt about it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
