Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My balls are so social today.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
