I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
