My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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